 |
| Mary J. Blige |
Mary J. Blige has revealed that the tragic death of Whitney Houston made
her realize it was time to face her demon of alcohol addiction.
The proud
born-again Christian revealed her decade-long battle with alcohol addiction to
LA Confidential, sharing that she began focusing on her relationship with God instead
of alcohol during the battle. The 42-year-old confessed that her alcohol
addiction became worse after trying to cut back and only drink socially.
"I
chose to learn how to drink socially and it didn't work," she said.
"The test comes when you have to decide whether you're drinking to be
social or drinking to cover up something again. To cover up depression, to
cover up guilt. Shame. Abandonment… Once I realized, 'There you go again,' I
had to stop."
Blige has
openly discussed her tumultuous past that included cocaine and alcohol
addiction, which began at the age of 16. She has explained that her dependency
masked incidents of her childhood: insecurities about the way that she looked,
and emotional pain that she experienced from an abusive relationship with
former boyfriend K-Ci Hailey, a member of the R&B group Jodeci.
"I used
to think I was ugly," she told Black Heritage Radio. "I thought I
looked like a camel. A person who doesn't love themselves, they will see
anything that pops up on their face. I've seen squirrels, I've seen a bird, and
I've seen all kinds of animals on my
face. But that is the result of self-hate. I've learned to say: 'You know what?
I am a beautiful black woman'."
Blige revealed that she had been sexually abused as a child. The childhood molestation that she experienced began when she was five years old.
"That
thing followed me all my life. The shame of thinking my molestation was my
fault. It led me to believe that I wasn't worth anything," she said during
the documentary. "I really didn't care about myself," said the
singer. "I was borderline suicidal...I was like the walking dead; just
smoking and drinking and hanging."
The
multi-Grammy-award winner explained that it has been hard for her to let go of
the past. Just as anyone who has battled addiction or abuse, she deals with
flashbacks that are prompted by simple things such as sights, sounds and
various familiarities of her past.
"Just
lately I have been saying that to myself a lot. 'I forgive you, Mary. I forgive
you.' I've been saying that to myself out loud. I've been praying to God to
show me how to forgive myself. Because… maybe… that's the thing I've been
searching for," she stated in her interview with LA Confidential.
She said "I don't know why. But I didn't want to go to rehab. I believe that anything man himself can do for me, God can do for me in a greater way. I decided to pray and to seek God on my own. I just stayed in The Word. And it worked."
In her
journey to reclaim herself and her life, she has empowered other women to do
the same. In 2006, she founded the Mary J. Blige Center for Women in Yonkers,
N.Y., to encourage women who have experienced domestic violence.
Source
: ChristianPost
No comments:
Post a Comment